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A few days ago, a friend sent me a voice message. Her voice was hoarse, and I could tell she had been crying.
She told me, “Last night I dreamed of my cat. She was lying next to me, on my pillow, and said: ‘Where did you go? I missed you.’”
She woke up in tears.
“Do you think our pets really come to us in dreams?” she asked me.
As I listened, I felt my chest tighten. I thought of my own two cats, Coffee and Joya. Coffee is about 13 now, and Joya is around 10. They’re both alive and healthy, and yet—I couldn’t help but imagine what it would feel like if one day they were gone. Would they come find me in my dreams too? The thought alone was enough to bring tears to my eyes.
I’m someone who cries easily. I often imagine the day I’ll have to say goodbye to them, and honestly—I can’t. Not yet. Not even in my head.
So I told her: “Maybe it’s not your cat speaking. Maybe it’s the part of you that misses her the most finally finding words.”
Why Losing a Pet Hurts So Deeply
People like to say, “It’s just a cat,” or “It’s just a dog.” But those of us who’ve had that kind of bond—we know better.
Her cat had been a rescue she found outside her apartment. The little creature became her companion through those difficult post-college years. New job, long hours, bad dates, stressful nights—through all of it, the cat was there. Always waiting by the door. Always listening.
She told me, “She was the reason I got out of bed some days.”
Then, the cat passed suddenly from a heart condition. She never got to say goodbye.
She hasn’t adopted another pet since.
This kind of loss is more than losing an animal. It’s losing a presence that held space for you. A quiet witness to your life. A kind of love that doesn’t come with conditions or expectations.
When pets go, they take with them a part of your emotional anchor—the piece of your life that silently carried you through your hardest moments.
Understanding the Stages of Pet Grief (Even When They Feel Messy)
Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross once described five stages of grief. But anyone who’s mourned a pet knows—they don’t arrive in order. They come in waves. Some overlap. Some repeat. Some last longer than you expect.
| Stage | What It Feels Like |
|---|---|
| Denial | “I still think I hear her walking into the kitchen.” |
| Anger | “Why didn’t I see the signs? Why her?” |
| Bargaining | “If only I hadn’t worked late that day…” |
| Depression | “The house is too quiet. I hate coming home now.” |
| Acceptance | “I still cry, but now I also smile.” |
| Guilt | “Maybe I could’ve done more. Did she know I loved her?” |
What Helped My Friend (And Might Help You)
After her dream, my friend said she wasn’t sure how to “start grieving.”
And the truth is—there’s no guidebook. But there are small steps. Gentle ones.
1. Write it down
Write the things you never said out loud. “I’m sorry.” “I miss you.” Even just their name. You don’t have to be a writer. Just put it somewhere. It matters.
2. Forgive yourself
You were doing your best. They knew. Forgive the version of you who missed the signs, or waited a little too long. That version of you was also deeply trying. And your pet? They knew that too.
3. Carry the love with you
You don’t have to “move on.” You just have to keep going—with their memory by your side. Some people say grief softens with time. I think it changes shape. It becomes quieter, but never disappears.
4. Say it out loud
Sometimes we think we have to hold everything in. But the moment you speak it, something shifts.
“There is a constant presence in your life that needs and gives attention, affection and exercise. And now that presence is gone and there is just a huge emptiness. And you can't easily replace because each presence has their own quirks and personality.”
Whether you say it to a friend, a journal, or a stranger online—it’s okay to let it out.
You’re Not Alone: Real Words from Other Pet Parents
“It’s been 8 months. I still reach for the leash.”
“She was the only one who loved me without expectations. Now that love has nowhere to go.”
“I thought I’d get over it. But she wasn’t just a pet—she was my anchor.”
Grief is a strange kind of loyalty. It means you loved deeply, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.
What Might Help (If You’re Ready)
Some people find comfort in routines. Others in rituals. There’s no right way—but here are a few things my friend and others have found meaningful:
Write a goodbye letter to your pet
Create a small memorial corner (photo, collar, stone)
Talk to others who’ve gone through the same
Consider a keepsake item (like a memorial necklace ➝)
Join a grief support group or subreddit
No pressure. Just options.
“I just came to check on you.”
When my friend told me about the dream—her cat saying “I missed you”—I didn’t think it was strange at all.
Maybe, just maybe, that dream wasn’t a goodbye.
Maybe it was her cat’s way of saying:
“I came to check on you. And to make sure you’re taking care of yourself.”
Pet loss doesn’t teach us how to forget.
It teaches us how to keep going—with unfinished love in our hearts.
More Ways to Remember Your Pet
Need more support?
Find comfort and guidance in our Grief Support hub, or explore meaningful ways to remember your pet in the Memorial Ideas collection.